Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
