Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
