Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
