4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
