Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
