I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All the doctor said was why
Randomize