if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
