Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
