It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
