i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
