At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
