are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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