My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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