We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
