Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
