the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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