1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
