He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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