So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
