True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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