Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
