So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
