He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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