Please, let me fuck your mom
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
