When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
We have started to decorate penises.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
