I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
