Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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