I understand Curling. That high.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
