is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
