can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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