so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Soap is not a condiment
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize