so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
