On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
