i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
