I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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