it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
