Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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