FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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