He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
