So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize