Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
