your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
