I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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