I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize