why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
