Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

dude, i look like john mccains neck right now

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(613): View more from Ontario

You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch

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(708): View more from Illinois

She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.

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(574): View more from Indiana

There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party

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(520): View more from Arizona

When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.

(1-520): View more from Arizona

Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.

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(567): View more from Ohio

Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?

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