thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
