Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
