I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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