I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
