Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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