I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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