i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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