you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
be right there i have to get my cape
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
