The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
