My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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