yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
