I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
