Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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