I love black thongs
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
