Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
