Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning

(410): View more from Maryland

how does that even happen??

Fav 3 2195 1026
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?

Fav 17 2552 3705
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(289): View more from Ontario

i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that

Fav 5 1048 4772
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(217): View more from Illinois

Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.

Fav 8 686 1067
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(843): View more from South Carolina

Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.

Fav 1 695 538
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(303): View more from Colorado

It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.

Fav 1 125 14
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(740): View more from Ohio

It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips

Fav 0 97 14
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