You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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