i may or may not be watching the land before time
you would pick up someone in the library
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
