Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I am naked and annoyed.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
