he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
