i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
