i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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