Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
