I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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