My cat gives me a boner
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
