Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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